Happy Fathers Day!!

Hey Loves Hope you are all having a Lovely day!!

Its been again crazy in this here casa of mine and boy do I got loooaaads to tell ya!!!

So be ready these next couple of days! I'll be posting like crazy to catch you loves up on everything!!

I got sick these last couple of days since I last posted and since then have some

 Bad/Good News.

Buuuuuuuut for Today is Fathers day and it is only right for me to pay my Respect to

My daddy and dedicate todays post to him!!!

This right here is the Dade-o and although he will hate im putting him on here I dont care haha!!

One thing Im most thankful for is having my Dad here still with us.

He's been through alot and even with accidents and difficult health problems he still fights the pain he feels each day and trials that always come his way and puts on a strong smile to face the day.

NOW, for those of you that know this guy we all know how Verbal this man really is and all know that back in the day and still some what (ALOT) now speaks his mind!!!!!!!!!!! 

and if you think your gonna try and walk all over him think again cause your ass will be grass.

Fo realz loves not even playin my Dad is crazy hard core you can ask anybody that knows him

Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Only if you rub him the wrong way tho hes not aways like that in fact when ever I have friends that meet him I lend up wondering if they are his friends or my friends cause every one always ask about him hahaha!!

But my point is that Im told I take after my Dad and Im very luck to say that Im proud of that fact!

Im proud to be like my dad for many reasons.

He is one of the most strongest men I have ever met literally, Im proud that my Dad has always stuck by my Mom's side over the years and has always shown nothing but support for his three girls.

He worked 15 hour shifts to help support His family untill he was disabled from injuring his back and was told that from the damage that was done to nerves and to spine he would be in a wheel chair for life and would not be able to walk. 

He has fought his way through MANY and I mean MANY surgeries and through it all there is no wheel chair for him to sit in thank God!! He has been walking this whole entire time.

Although his pack pain and health problems are chronic not once have I ever seen my dad show us that he is in pain, and no matter what he is always there to every docs appointment or award or anything that he can to show us his support and that he cares.

Hes the one man I know who always has and will protect me and never leave my side.

Love you Daddy!!!

Always and Forever,

Livy

XOXOXOX

Guess What!!!

Hey loves!

I'm back!!

Its been one week since yesterday I started chemo and I finally feel well enough to get myself up on here and finally post!! Yaaay!!

Let me tell ya its been crazy round this here Casa of mine!!

I first just want to thank you loves for all the nice comments and msgs and letters that were sent to me!

I want to thank you all one by one but I dont want to leave out or miss anyone so PLEASE KNOW to all of you!!

You know who you are and I KNOW every single one of you who has written to me or showed support and who have kept me in your prayers and I just want to say thank you it means so much to me and all the words in the world still wont show how much I appreciate it all.

They make me smile every time I see them and makes me feel special!! It's all your support that helps me get through this rough time.

This round of chemo was rough and I cant help but DREAD going back soon for the next 3 day round.

I woke up thursday morning at 6 packed and was ready to go.

Went for a brain MRI and thank GOD everything came back good!!

Waited to get admitted to the hospitol at 10 but was told room wasnt ready, long story short room wasnt ready till the next day and A.) Was happy to have more time to get ready

Buuut then B.) Fustrated Nervouse and Anxious having more time on my hands to freak out on what was about to go on.

So as the next morn came up on me I was called in at ten and was ready to go!

OH WAIT!!

"Sorry hun but your room isnt ready come back in like in 1hour."

Soooo again went to get something super light to eat and right as Im enjoying probably what I thought would be my last satisfying meal, I get a call.

Your rooms ready we've been waiting . . . .

So FINALLY!!!

was admitted and it was time for the PIC LINE!!

(Im sorry if your squemish!!!)

The pic line is basically a lil tube that goes into the vein and goes up through the arm into the chest into the main vein for the heart so that its faster and easier for the chemo to go threw. Rather than havin a needle in your arm 24/7 and having your veins get irratated.

I decided to have this put in and my doc agreed as well and to be honest although it may be uncomfortible at times and hurt while getting it BELIVE ME ITS SOOO WORTH IT!!

From my last chemo my veins arent that strong any more and my veins tend to blow out!! Which basically feels like your vein is gonna pop and is on fire!!

(DOES NOT HAPPEN TO EVERYONE)

So those who may read this who are a Cancer patient or who may go into chemo for the first time dont worry about the side effects or the stuff I may have or talk about because everyone is different and you may not experience it. And to those who may possibly get it, know that no matter how scarey it is your not alone and that they give you plenty of numbing meds so you wont feel a thang!!

For me unfortunatly with my luck, I was that 1 out of every 5 that it didn't go through all the way so had to roll me all the way down stairs to the ER to get it fixed.

 You are awake through this procedure but I think from the bone marrow test to the 2 biopsy procedures its been prep for me for these kinda scarey uncomfortible situations unfortunatly haha. I mean regardless you feel things that hurt like a BEEP BEEP BEEP but like I said they give you numbing meds to calm it down. Although you cant really feel it there is a bit of some what alot of pressure and lil sharp pains here and there and really sore.

But any ways that was done and it was CHEMO TIME!!

I was ok for a couple of hours was able to eat the horrible hospitol food ha!

And was sort of able to sleep that night but was soooooo hard to be hooked up to the IV and because I was sharing a room had to walk what felt like a QAZILLLION miles to the bathroom and uuuuugh it was the worst!!!

I was told when in a chemo like that you get your own room?  BUT long story short shared a room and there was some stressful stuff that went on which I wont get into but got through it even though it was hard and especially the fact that I could bearly walk didnt make it any easier!

Pee in cups

Shots

Blood draws

EXTREME Leg and Stomach cramps

Not being able to sleep or really walk

Not being able to keep down anything and unforunatly Nausea and all that grows horrible stuff

about somes it up those three days I was there.

Coming home was a whoooole new Journey!

I just want to take a special Moment to thank my sisters, parents, also my Tia who came down to help. Especially my Mommy who was there all day every day  at the hospital helping me walk even when I got home.

She was there rubbing my legs when they ached, there when I would get nauseated and couldnt keep anything down. When passing out, she was there to help me come out of it,  and as much as I hated to have my family see me at my worst she helped me take showers and use the restroom. I mean there was stuff I could do on my own but the fact that I couldnt walk without falling or feeling like I was gonna pass out made it hard.

It took A couple of days before the pain from the all the body aches, pic line and for me to walk but I was REEEEEAAAAAAL HAAAAAPPY and thankful that I finally could eat and walk on my own!!!!!

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!

FIRST MEAL I WAS ABLE TO KEEP DOWN!!!!!!!

(on like the 4rth or 3rd day I was back home)

Soooooooooo goood!!! A lil Chicken broth and a lil cheez-its was the beeeeest!!!

soooo goood to me hahaha!!!

Im not gonna lie and suger coat it and say it wasnt that bad, There was ALOT of pain and tears feeling like your passing out not being able to walk and all that stuff  BUUUUUUUUT

that part doesnt last for ever and when you get that moment to finally Have the drink of water or that one lil bit of food that you can eat after what sometimes is 3 to 4 days and actually keep it down. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO THANKFUL WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR ME TO WALK AND EAT AGAIN!!!!

Even if it was liquid and a bit of crackers. At that moment no expensive dinner or candy or Beer or any thing could top that feeling of eating and being satisfied.

It reminded me of how just the other day I was complaining of not knowing what to eat.

Made me feel selfish that I would complain like that, knowing when theres other cancer patients who go through worse or even those who cant even afford water or food.

Its Trials and journeys like this that have changed my life in this experience and has made me see the world differently. To see feel and learn stuff like that through this,

and really learn to appreciate things and life (NOT THAT I DIDNT BEFORE) but Today I will tell you!!!

I may have and will continue to Fight for my life and although its DAMN hard Blood Sweat And Tears My life is worth saving AS WELL AS ANY LIFE.

NO LIFE IS WORTH NOT SAVING.

No matter what hard times your going through loves,

 belive me I know what its like to feel and live at times, in what feels like hell, and as much as this world has evil in it and we think we are in the most worst darkest place, theres always worse situations.

 We all have a purpose in life and will not leave till that is completed.

There are horrible things like murders and accidents that I pray to God that will be less of or even none at all!! But No matter how a person is taken from this world,  when talking to they're families and friends, that person changed their lifes in some special way and has touched others. They made a difference.

Enjoy your life no matter what, because its the only one you get and its up to you to Enjoy life and decide on how youll want to be remembered and use the troubles in your life that you go through to maybe help or even SAVE someone else.

Its stories like these that have been shared of this beautiful strong baby girl

who help inspire me and keep me going!!!

To those cancer patients who may see this, know your not alone and that you have my total support and its stories like yours that inspire me to keep going! We can fight this and we can do it!

No matter how hard things get you have to believe and know theres always hope!!

NO REGRETS JUST LOVE

Chemo Round #2 And No matter what Your Always Beautiful

Well Loves its here and theres unfortunatly

no where to turn or run

its round #2 Chemo time and theres no stopping it.

I've been trying for the past couple of days to spend as much time as I possibly can with my family before I go into chemo this Thursday but its been hard!

Theres some of my family members I havent seen since before getting diagnosed and seeing them made me so happy yet sad all at the same time. Happy to see them because I missed them so much but yet sad that once again I havet to go into hiding and into a cave. I will be separated once again from them and its hard to know all the things that I will be missing out on this summer.

It scares me that from here on out I will be going through nothing but treatments for the next couple of months. The plan is to do the #2 rounds of chemo in the hospitol for three days come for 28 then go back for three days and due testing all over again.

Depending on the results if we get the cancer to a lower number they will then be able to do the stem cell treatment. If not there will be even more treatments to lower the cancer numbers so that the stem cell plan can be done. Knowing that procedure alone takes 3 months to maybe even longer kills me!

Im sooooo close to my parents and sisters that I cant even imagine being without them. Not to mention leaving my neice and nephew . . . Uuuugh!!! I just cant even think about it yet. We all have the craziest fun at the casa its just hard to know ill be missing out on time with them for months. I know I havet to start preparing myself but even when it does come I still wont be ready.

The best advice I get and try to tell myself is just take it day by day. Hour by hour and minute by minute.

These next 62 days I know will be hard re-losing my hair, feeling soo sick waaay beyond probebly I have ever felt before in my life and fear of not looking or being myself. Pluse not even gonna get into all the side effects that were mentioned to me, except for example the whole wheel chair thing which im not to happy about.

Its scares me. I dont want to change or lose myself in this.

And not to you Loves

but for the ones who

I know some people say "oh she doesnt look sick, or why is she writting a blog she looks fine. Why is she complaining?"

I may look normal and may look that im fine but obviously with the word CANCER and the fact that I have it should say it all. Just because I wear a wig and dress up as much as I can when I have the strength doesnt mean Im not in pain or not a cancer patient. You see pictures of me looking some what normal but  you dont see my every day life routines.

For whats to come of re-losing my hair possibly losing or gaining a whole load of weight watching and feeling my body crumble from the inside out, who are you to talk and say that Im fine.  What?! I cant try and dress up every once and a while and try to feel good about myself. No, i dont need a Wig or make up or fancy cloths to prove i'm a beautiful person inside and out, but so what if I wear wigs and make up most of the time katy perry and Lady Gaga do it and they even have their own hair.

As I said before I plan on making and putting videos up soon on whats happening and how hard it is not just for me and what I'm going through but to show a lil peek of what exactly ALL cancer patients havet to go through. Some have it worse than others and to me whether we wear a wig no wig gained weight or lost weight we are all beautiful.

And to those cancer patients that are reading this know no matter what you look like or how you feel, know you are beautiful inside and out no matter what they say or who trys to put you down!

Sweet And Amazing

So as of lately its been getting hard, harder to breathe,sleep or even walk alot anymore.

Last night was one of the worst pains I have ever felt, my whole body was hurting and it felt like my body was giving out on me.

The more days come and go the more tired and more pain I'm in. Now with the biopsy done it does worry me knowing that these next few months will be pretty much hell going through chemo again.

But as much as it sucks, theres so much good that has come out of this expeirence (belive it or not) that I feel selfish to complain. 

I once heard a cancer patient say that even though it was one of the most worst things in life she had ever had to go through, she was so thankful for the experience and the things she learned that she would do it all over again.

At first its hard to belive that anyone would be thankful for having cancer or the horrible things physically that come with it, but more than ever now I totally understand.

Today when logging on face book, KIK, Instagram and especially this here Blog I couldnt believe it!! I had soooo many loving comments and msgs from so many people they all were so SWEET AND AMAZING!

The blog is now at over a lil 2,000 page veiws and the fact that I've been getting so much love and support and even being able to reach out and speak to other cancer patients is just so awesome and blowing my mind!!

When I first decided to start this blog, I started not to get sympathy or have people feel bad for me but in hope that maybe someone just even one person that would stumble upon this would be inspired and become more aware about not only my type of cancer but all cancers. That maybe another cancer patient would see this and know their not alone. That even someone who has another type of illness and is fighting for good health is not alone.

All of us have our own battles to fight whether it be cancer, alzheimers,depression or even every day life problems. But its those hard times and rough situations that build us up and into stronger people, its up to us to use what weve learned from our expierences and to help eachother out.

As much as I hate having to go through this I wont ever regeret or wish I had another path. I now understand and also agree that I have to learned soooo much from this journey. To wish it never happend I would have never been able to meet or talk to the amazing people that I have beacuse of this journey. I may have even drifted from my dreams, or driffted away from knowing what was important in life.

Im so blessed that you loves give me so much love and support and especially HOPE. Also Im so happy and thankful that you loves take the time out to write me and keep reading these posts.

It means so much to me

and

I just want to say thank you!!!!!!!

Also a very huge thank you goes out to Hugo Centeno

and to all the Team Boss Army for all the love and support that you have been sending my way!!

You guys are to Sweet and Awesome!!!

Make sure to check out and support Hugo and become part of the Team Boss Army!!

www.HugoCenteno.com

Good News!!!

Hey Loves!

Guess what!!!!

Biopsy #2 was successful!!

Yaaaaay!! Whooooot!! Whooot!!

Thank God for pulling me through this and having me come out ok!!!

I was soooo scared that this one would fail too and that I was going to have to go through the major surgery (breaking of the ribs) and them get a sample that way.

But it was all good news and Im over the moon excited about the results it was so worth it!!!

Although it hurt like a mother *BEEEEEEP*

and I was awake for it the whole time Im sooo glad that I still decided to go through with it. Not that I prob had a choice haha!!

Here was the Run Down:

Biopsy # 2 is a CT guided Biopsy.

Basically I would be awake throught this because I would have to work with the doc and nurses on my breathing technique. Every time I take a breathe they would insert a the needle deeper and deeper till they reached one of the tumors. Then they would extract a sample and that sample would get tested and would determine what kind of chemo I would need and to see how out of control the cancer is.

Well as you can tell being awake through this was kinda scarey but thank gooodness for the numbing shots!! They were my best friends today!!!!

Some parts werent as painful but some parts were!! Holy Moly!! But I think what helped prep me for this was the bone marrow test I had a while ago. Its hard to explaine but its a diff kind of pain, its alot of pressure pain mixed with some burning/sharp pains. Although I wanted to burst out a cry some of the time I kept it together and prayed the whole entire time!! I thank God for getting through this!! I concentrated so hard when it hurt and the next thing I knew they were done!!!

After all that pain and discomfurt im still feeling I was very surprised to see what the sample looked like hahaha!!!

DRUM  ROLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

You Loves ready!? Its not as bad as you think I promise!

TAH DAH!!!!!!

I was shocked when they said they got a really good sample I expected like somethin really big and grows, I mean it still was grows but so small!!

For that amount of pain I was like thats it??!!!

More than ever staring at that sample piece knowing that was the very thing that is growing inside me trying to take me down and destroy me made me feel the flames of anger rage inside me!!!

More than ever Im ready to take on this damn Bastard out!!!

You may have made me weak gnawing at me from the inside out

but even now IM STILL HERE!!! I wont go down without a fight

and cancer better be pissing in its pants because for every drop of chemo and treatments to come No matter how weak I get or much it hurts Ill be laughing knowing your the one now getting destroyed!!!!!!

The Great Escape and the Misery that Always Follows

Hey Loves!

Hope you all Have been having a good weekend!!

Im sorry I've been cutting back on posting, its been getting harder to do anything as of lately without hurting or being extremly tired.

But even so that wont stop me from getting my self all up on here and letting you loves know whats been going on round here.

As you know I just got approved for Med-ical and Im so happy that after a year of being denied that I finally got accepted!

Knowing that I'll be able to get the stem cell treatment gives me hope. Its scarey knowing all thats coming with these next 2 rounds of intense chemo but what can you do when its the one thing that may save your life.

Theres been more bad news about a family member passing and more bad news and setbacks that will once again hold me back from getting the clothing line started.

I cant help but get really bummed out over this.

Yesterday we lost a special person in our family and my prayers go out to her family especially her mom who I hate seeing so hurt in this tough time.

Also all the set backs that keep poping up that keeps me from getting the clothing line started is really taking its toll on me.

As I've said before getting this clothing line started means everything to me. My hope and dream is to not only sell my cloths but more IMPORTANT for every purchase that is made there will be a donation going to St.Jude Hospitol

This dream I have has been waiting to come true for far to long now, and the determination is more than ever now burning and running through my body and I wont let this dream go!

My family Is one of the main things I fight for every day but the idea of being able to help with St.Jude is another. Its what helps keep me going when I think I cant go any more.

The thought of a baby or someone younger going through what I do or worse is the hardest thing to even imagine about. If they can do it there is no reason why I cant.

They to me are Heros and some now Angels.

All cancer patients or anyone suffering from a illness fighting for their life or their health is my Hero. 

The countdown for Tuesday's biopsy is a day away now and its time to try and keep focused. Its been hard trying to do so when these last couple of days it seems that more and more fears are just starting to rise and starting to try and drown me.

Whether its a fear of this biopsy not working and having to go through with the a major surgery. Or the thought of them missing and piercing my lung while being awake through everything.

I think the the hardest thing about this is knowing theres no turning back or getting out of this. That once this coming tuesday starts theres nothing but on and on procedures and treatment. I may have been able to just brush off the fears or entertain the idea that I could run away from all this for a while now because it wasnt time or here yet. But its here and its in me any where I go. It follows me and grows in me, theres no where to escape or go but into these treatments they are the only thing that could take this horrible misery that follows me away.

So attempts to try and keep focused it was important to me and my family to make a trip to Westlake and visit the St. Jude church and shrine.

Oh my gosh you guys it was sooo pretty!!!

These pics dont do it justice.

It was there I was given a blessing scarament of the sick and was anointed with oil for the sickness.

 I feel that my trip there was really special and I hope to visit again when Im better!

I feel it was somewhere I needed to go to before these next big treatments and given the blessing I feel ready to go on my next journey now.

Have a good Sunday Loves and enjoy the rest of your weekend!!!

Holy Moly!!

Holy Moly Loves!!!

I have the greatest news to share with you all!!!

I just got a call that Medical has just looked over my case and they have just decided to cover!!!!!

I will be able to get the stem cell treatment!!!!!!

THERES STILL HOPE!!!

Im in such shock right now!!! I've waited almost a year to hear this moment Im not sure if it is all even real right now! I feel like its a really good dream and I'm about to  wake up any second!!! If it is (PLEEEEASE DONT WAKE UP OLIVIA!!!)

Holy Moly is bout the only thing I can say right now!!!

I can't thank you all enough for keeping me in your prayers and for all the love and support I have been getting!!!

I do believe that prayer and faith is one of the most strongest things in this world

and look how it shows!!!

I thank all my family and friends who are still helping with fundraisers to help with medical expenses that medical wont cover!

You have no idea how grateful and blessed Iam for that!!

When I was first told bout the fundraisers I was scared people would be thinking I was begging for money, or even now that Medical is covering most of some things I still have that fear!! The last thing I want people to think Is im selfish or just want money.

Im told that im just over thinking it but to me its important to address that.

Its important to just tell you all how much everything you have done and are doing means the world to me.

The fact you read this here blog and keep me in prayers is just the most amazing thing!!

That is all I could ever ask of is to keep me in your prayers!!!

I thank you all for your support! I hope that in return my journey will help or inspire at least one person!!

Although this is great news, theres still many hard times up ahead and not out

of the dark yet. I accept what is to come and will do my best to get throught it.

No matter what Iwill never regret nor wish that my journey was different.

If this is what is planned for me I hope and pray that the reason is hopefully to help others. For that I would be so proud and happy and I have no problem going through this tough time inorder to get where I need to be to succeed in that.

There May be More Pain

There May be More Needles

But thought of still being here with you

Is what keeps my heart beating.