Well loves its finally here and its time to fight the BIG fight!
It's time for round 3 Chemo and off to the stem cell treatment this week.
It's crazy to think that this week will hit a year that I've been in this battle against cancer.
So much has happened and there has been so much I've learned from this experience, my life was changed for ever and it will never be the same.
Tomorrow will be the next step in this journey of mine and I won't stop until I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired, I'm scared, hungry, thirsty, in pain and my body is starting to work against me. I will crawl my way if I have to but I'm a lil over half way done with treatments and it's time to get this done and get results, no matter how much I wanna run away out of fear.
There is no running away from this when the very thing you hate the most and causes you misery lives and grows inside of you. It's a constant reminder every time I look in the mirror when I see someone i don't recognize.
When I was told that I had 6 months to get treatment I needed before it was terminal, the first thing I thought of was leaving my family. My worst fear is losing the ones I love.
Would it hurt to die, will I feel my heart slow down and feel my heart stop beating?
Well you know what excuse my language but fuck cancer and the negative thoughts that come with it.
It's human to be nervous or scared but fear is evil and Hope rules all.
When strength fails, love fades, and faith is starting to dim it's hope that will come and light the flames that burned out!
I have Faith and hope that even though I will be going through this intense transplant that i will be cured.
I have been through (rough estimate lost count)
5 Pet scans
Over 6 cat scans
2 surgical biopsies
Over 4 X-rays
7 rounds of chemo
Radiation
4 trips to the ER
3 MRIs
Surgical pik line
Blood work every week at least once or more
And in one day at times can be poked up to 3 or more times.
Lost count of shots and what ever else I'm missing.
All this and what's to come has and will happen for a reason, and what ever that reason is its what God's plan for me is.
So no matter how many tears fall it will all be worth it.
Until I'm able to write again loves take care,
And know that I'll be fighting so that one day soon ill be able to post that i'am cancer free!!!!
Olivia, you have been so strong in my thoughts and prayers over this past month especially.. I think of you SO OFTEN every day and pray for you. Remember to take each moment knowing that Jesus is right there with you in this suffering and that He never forsakes you! Live in the moment, look for the positive (you are a pro at that)! Some advise is to remember when you get the chemo that attacks the mucus membranes from the mouth throughout your body, suck on ICE chips while you get that infusion, it is a short infusion that lasts only 30 min but what a difference in your mouth sores if you suck on ice chips! Also during your SCT when they start the infusion, it will taste bad, some say like strong garlic, I thought it tasted sort of fishy! So sucking on Jolly Ranchers really helps with the taste! You know how you can taste something when they flush your PIC line? It is the same principle when they infuse your Stem Cells. I think it should be on Thursday August 15th? That is a Beautiful Feast Day of the Assumption of our Blessed Mother!! To me, I see this as her carrying you in her arms, to Jesus to give you NEW LIFE as you get your Stem Cells! My new birthday is August 18, 2010...I hope your mom takes a picture of you holding the bag of stem cells! This is a BIG day for you! I love you and have spread your story to everyone I meet, so many prayers storming Heaven for you Olivia. God Bless you...I hope to be able to visit you, if it is okay...let me know. I will call your home this week. Love and Hugs, Cathy (His beloved daughter)
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