Well Loves
Im back!!!!!!
Believe me when I say
There is sooo much to feel you guys in its total madness over load!!
As you all know last I was on here I was on my way to get the stem cell transplant.
Well I did it!!!
I hope and pray to God I never havet to go through that or anything close to that again in my life!
It was the most . . . . I dont even have words to describe what a NIGHTMARE it all was.
Although it could be the very thing that saves me it was the hardest set of treatment I have ever had to go through!
Here was the run down :
(Well from what I remember)
* Chemo was given to me for 6 days straight
*On the 6th day was the strongest chemo they could possibly give me and it was hell!!
On top of feeling like crap in between chemos needing blood transfusions or other types of infusions, or feeling nauseous they make you eat ice before during and after the chemo. This is to prevent getting mouth sores in your mouth and stomach, well I ate ice by the bucket and alot of good that did me because I still got the sores in my mouth and in my stomach!
* Day 7 Stem Cell Transplant
I had a goal of 5 million and lended up with 6 bags of my own stem cells.
everything was through IV and through my pik line.
Getting the stems cells was soooooooo uncomfortable, It felt like someone would punch me in the stomach as hard as they could then straight after along with a tidal wave of the worst Nausea!!
(Ugh! even talking bout it now with flash backs its getting me sick!! Traumatized YES!!!!!)
Since I had so many bags it took hours, and on top of it it was longer because my pik line was sluggish. The stem cells kept getting stuck in the tubing.
But after a coule of hours I was done and the funny thing is Ice cream, potato chips and cottage cheese was what helped me through it hahahaha!! weird combo but it did! I still dont even know how I ate my way through that!?
* Day 8 Is where it starts to get foggy
I was on sooooooo many meds through IV it look like a horror movie.
They had so many bags with different things, to push my IV machine I needed help.
eventually my immune system dropped extremely low and It got so bad I lended up in the ICU.
*ICU
OOOOOMGOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!
Worse days ever!!!!!!!
I was so weak with a fever and my blood pressure was very low along with a low heart rate.
They started to rush me in to the ICU and that was HELL too!!!
At that point I just remember crying alot and just feeling soooooo sick, although this is something I wish I wouldnt havet to say I really thought at times I wasnt going to make it. I felt soooo weak I could bearly move, I couldnt even get up to use the restroom.
YESSSSSSSS . . . .
Its exactly what it sounds like I had to be in bed and have nurses come and help me use a bed pan.
Now yes this is tooo much info and to some its shocking or weird to hear but this is exactly what happens and not just to me but so many in a hospital, its not like we want random pepole you dont know coming in and having you use a pan for a restroom. Although at that point I was so sick I didnt even care.
They had to put a catheter which is a tube that goes into the bladder so that instead of peeing normal goes through a tube and into a bag. This was because I couldnt walk any more and to get out of bed to use the restroom was out of the question so had no other choice.
UUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!
I hated it!!! I still remember them shoving that thing in me and it HUUUUUURT!!!
I dont even think they did it right because it didnt even work and at one point I remember screaming at my nurse to take it out because it hurt so bad and thank GOD they did!!!!
Basically loves I was in the ICU for 2 days and that was one of the worst experiences of my life!
I was released back in my regular room for a day or 2 when I was told that my numbers where so high (shocking) and was going to get released early!!!!!
Words could not explain the excitment I had hearing that news knowing that 2 days before I was in ICU at my worst and now I was coming home!!!!
Totally an Alice in Wonderland moment where I cried so much I was swimming in my own tears! But at least they were happy tears that time!!!!
TOTAL : 2 and 1/2 weeks in the hospital.
Ive been home now for a lil over a week and im in Recovery!
Its been extremely hard I wont lie, but im just soooo glad to be home.
Im still in a really big fogg from all the meds I was on and are still on, you look on my fridge and it looks like a damn pharmacy with pill containers every where.
Im still extremely nauseous at times but thank God its not all day every day like it was, at one point
food doesnt taste like anything and if it does I can only eat a lil at a time and for a while up untill the other day i was only able to hold it down for an hour or 2 before I got sick.
You hear people say " Im so hungry I could eat a whole cow."
I sooooooooo understand and Im sooooooooooooo hungry!!!!
I literaly could eat a whole cow so pleaaaaaase someone give me a hamburger im starving!!!
I miss food soooo much!!!!!
I miss feeling full and the taste of all sorts of food.
My stomachs getting better with each passing day so I cant complain buuuuuut . . . . Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh Im sooooo hungry!!!!!
All together I have lost a total of 20 pounds these last 2 weeks its weird, I feel it but im sooo swollen off the meds its still hard to see what exactly my body really looks like weight wise its just really weird.
My body hates me right now and I hate it more!!!!!
I feel like crap and look it as well.
I miss having hair, eyebrows, dressing up, going out, eating I miss being normal!!
Its hard not to be depressed at this point especially because I need to be at home for a total of 100 days which is fine better than the hospital, but it scares me knowing I could go back at any sec maybe.
Will I need a blood transfusion (SCAREY now that I dont have a pik line its all done by needle) will I have an fever infection???? I basically have a lower immune system than everyone so thats not so comfurting at times. I mean its getting better back to normal, but the fact that if theres any one sick or if I get food poisioning or an infected cut there ill be back in the place where I hate the most, so lets hope none of that happens!!!!
Basically Ill be bubble girl for a while hahahahaha!!!
I have a CAT scan in a month and the big PET scan in 2.
Its scarey waiting to see if this worked . . . but with the support of my family and you loves I know ill be ok.
So here we go loves,
On to the next Adventure RECOVERY!!!
I just want to take the time out to thank everyone for attending the benefits that have been going on and to my family!!!!! And of course to you loves!!!!
For all the support and love!!!!!
ESPECIALLY
TO
MY
I thank God every day and still its not and will never be enough!!!
You where and are there every single day at my bed side helping me walk feeding me when I couldnt move, there holding my hand when I said I couldnt make it through. You where there by my side telling me it was ok and that I would make it. You are an amayzing Women Mother daughter and wife, for eveything you do and have done over the years you are the defintion of what a Great Mother is. Some may try to compare or act like they are but no one will ever understand the amount of respect and love I have for you for being the kind of mother you are
I love you
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