Guess What!!!

Hey loves!

I'm back!!

Its been one week since yesterday I started chemo and I finally feel well enough to get myself up on here and finally post!! Yaaay!!

Let me tell ya its been crazy round this here Casa of mine!!

I first just want to thank you loves for all the nice comments and msgs and letters that were sent to me!

I want to thank you all one by one but I dont want to leave out or miss anyone so PLEASE KNOW to all of you!!

You know who you are and I KNOW every single one of you who has written to me or showed support and who have kept me in your prayers and I just want to say thank you it means so much to me and all the words in the world still wont show how much I appreciate it all.

They make me smile every time I see them and makes me feel special!! It's all your support that helps me get through this rough time.

This round of chemo was rough and I cant help but DREAD going back soon for the next 3 day round.

I woke up thursday morning at 6 packed and was ready to go.

Went for a brain MRI and thank GOD everything came back good!!

Waited to get admitted to the hospitol at 10 but was told room wasnt ready, long story short room wasnt ready till the next day and A.) Was happy to have more time to get ready

Buuut then B.) Fustrated Nervouse and Anxious having more time on my hands to freak out on what was about to go on.

So as the next morn came up on me I was called in at ten and was ready to go!

OH WAIT!!

"Sorry hun but your room isnt ready come back in like in 1hour."

Soooo again went to get something super light to eat and right as Im enjoying probably what I thought would be my last satisfying meal, I get a call.

Your rooms ready we've been waiting . . . .

So FINALLY!!!

was admitted and it was time for the PIC LINE!!

(Im sorry if your squemish!!!)

The pic line is basically a lil tube that goes into the vein and goes up through the arm into the chest into the main vein for the heart so that its faster and easier for the chemo to go threw. Rather than havin a needle in your arm 24/7 and having your veins get irratated.

I decided to have this put in and my doc agreed as well and to be honest although it may be uncomfortible at times and hurt while getting it BELIVE ME ITS SOOO WORTH IT!!

From my last chemo my veins arent that strong any more and my veins tend to blow out!! Which basically feels like your vein is gonna pop and is on fire!!

(DOES NOT HAPPEN TO EVERYONE)

So those who may read this who are a Cancer patient or who may go into chemo for the first time dont worry about the side effects or the stuff I may have or talk about because everyone is different and you may not experience it. And to those who may possibly get it, know that no matter how scarey it is your not alone and that they give you plenty of numbing meds so you wont feel a thang!!

For me unfortunatly with my luck, I was that 1 out of every 5 that it didn't go through all the way so had to roll me all the way down stairs to the ER to get it fixed.

 You are awake through this procedure but I think from the bone marrow test to the 2 biopsy procedures its been prep for me for these kinda scarey uncomfortible situations unfortunatly haha. I mean regardless you feel things that hurt like a BEEP BEEP BEEP but like I said they give you numbing meds to calm it down. Although you cant really feel it there is a bit of some what alot of pressure and lil sharp pains here and there and really sore.

But any ways that was done and it was CHEMO TIME!!

I was ok for a couple of hours was able to eat the horrible hospitol food ha!

And was sort of able to sleep that night but was soooooo hard to be hooked up to the IV and because I was sharing a room had to walk what felt like a QAZILLLION miles to the bathroom and uuuuugh it was the worst!!!

I was told when in a chemo like that you get your own room?  BUT long story short shared a room and there was some stressful stuff that went on which I wont get into but got through it even though it was hard and especially the fact that I could bearly walk didnt make it any easier!

Pee in cups

Shots

Blood draws

EXTREME Leg and Stomach cramps

Not being able to sleep or really walk

Not being able to keep down anything and unforunatly Nausea and all that grows horrible stuff

about somes it up those three days I was there.

Coming home was a whoooole new Journey!

I just want to take a special Moment to thank my sisters, parents, also my Tia who came down to help. Especially my Mommy who was there all day every day  at the hospital helping me walk even when I got home.

She was there rubbing my legs when they ached, there when I would get nauseated and couldnt keep anything down. When passing out, she was there to help me come out of it,  and as much as I hated to have my family see me at my worst she helped me take showers and use the restroom. I mean there was stuff I could do on my own but the fact that I couldnt walk without falling or feeling like I was gonna pass out made it hard.

It took A couple of days before the pain from the all the body aches, pic line and for me to walk but I was REEEEEAAAAAAL HAAAAAPPY and thankful that I finally could eat and walk on my own!!!!!

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!

FIRST MEAL I WAS ABLE TO KEEP DOWN!!!!!!!

(on like the 4rth or 3rd day I was back home)

Soooooooooo goood!!! A lil Chicken broth and a lil cheez-its was the beeeeest!!!

soooo goood to me hahaha!!!

Im not gonna lie and suger coat it and say it wasnt that bad, There was ALOT of pain and tears feeling like your passing out not being able to walk and all that stuff  BUUUUUUUUT

that part doesnt last for ever and when you get that moment to finally Have the drink of water or that one lil bit of food that you can eat after what sometimes is 3 to 4 days and actually keep it down. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO THANKFUL WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR ME TO WALK AND EAT AGAIN!!!!

Even if it was liquid and a bit of crackers. At that moment no expensive dinner or candy or Beer or any thing could top that feeling of eating and being satisfied.

It reminded me of how just the other day I was complaining of not knowing what to eat.

Made me feel selfish that I would complain like that, knowing when theres other cancer patients who go through worse or even those who cant even afford water or food.

Its Trials and journeys like this that have changed my life in this experience and has made me see the world differently. To see feel and learn stuff like that through this,

and really learn to appreciate things and life (NOT THAT I DIDNT BEFORE) but Today I will tell you!!!

I may have and will continue to Fight for my life and although its DAMN hard Blood Sweat And Tears My life is worth saving AS WELL AS ANY LIFE.

NO LIFE IS WORTH NOT SAVING.

No matter what hard times your going through loves,

 belive me I know what its like to feel and live at times, in what feels like hell, and as much as this world has evil in it and we think we are in the most worst darkest place, theres always worse situations.

 We all have a purpose in life and will not leave till that is completed.

There are horrible things like murders and accidents that I pray to God that will be less of or even none at all!! But No matter how a person is taken from this world,  when talking to they're families and friends, that person changed their lifes in some special way and has touched others. They made a difference.

Enjoy your life no matter what, because its the only one you get and its up to you to Enjoy life and decide on how youll want to be remembered and use the troubles in your life that you go through to maybe help or even SAVE someone else.

Its stories like these that have been shared of this beautiful strong baby girl

who help inspire me and keep me going!!!

To those cancer patients who may see this, know your not alone and that you have my total support and its stories like yours that inspire me to keep going! We can fight this and we can do it!

No matter how hard things get you have to believe and know theres always hope!!

NO REGRETS JUST LOVE