Happy Easter

Well Loves, Its been a rough week and still rough times ahead this coming week, but maybe a colorful Easter and time with the fam will make it a lil better at least for a lil while.

HAPPEY EASTER LOVES!!

Hope you have an amayzing day!

A second Mother And Everlasting Life

God has decided that it was time to take you to the land of everlasting life.

Its time for you to be free and suffer no more.

To be filled with joy and no more sorrow.

To feel love happiness and No more pain.

As you walk and travel your journey to the gates of Hevan, know that you are so much loved and will FOREVER be loved. Your spirit and memories will live on and that you will never be forgotten.

Nana,

Oh how I miss you so much already. I cant help but go and check on you every now on then and cant pass your room without looking to see if you are ok. And although It hurts to see your empty bed or to walk around the house and not hear you or your tv with the novelas on. Know that I will and we all will be ok. Im sorry that I promised I wouldnt cry but know I dont cry out of sorrow and of not wanting to let go, its tears of joy and peace knowing you no longer havet to suffer and are in a better greater place now. I know you are soooo happy with ur honey Tata and with your parents grandparents and sibilings, everything you've ever dreamt of is coming true and everyone you missed sooo soo much is there at your side awaiting for your loving embrace to be reunited with you again.

I know youve heard me say I love you a thousand times but words will never express or show you how much love and respect I have and will forever have for you. You are one of the main people in my life that mean the world to me!!! I thank the hevans above for the Blessing of having you and Tata be My second Mother and Father. You both are together now and watching over us. You taught all the grandkids but especially Me Shell And Lexy on how to be the best person you could be and what the true meaning of a a Good Man and Women are. In my eyes you define strong,beautiful,caring,compassionate,gentle,smart,talented,and inspiring along with so much more. I've seen how you been through so much over the years every day. From every trip to the hospitol, to strokes and needle pricks and falls. All the pain you never deserved in this life that you endured and still came out on top and strong. You've moved me sooo much I hope to be even a drop of the women you are. You inspire me so much and have given me a reason to belive and fight this cancer. Along with Tata.

From him being in the war and fighting to fighting his disease to you fighting in life and you fighting your condition. You both have taught me how to be strong to fight and never give up. To believe that there is always Hope and light in even the most darkest places here on earth and in life. I will never once NOT ever be mad or hurt or want to change the past and everything that has happend with us taking care of you. Sometimes I wish we even did more or that we could have taken some of the pain that you both may have once had. I want you to know that My mom dad, shell,lexy and I will not and dont ever wish that things would have been different, we would all do it over in a heart beat. We may have not had a Normal childhood or life but Im so thankful to have learned the things we have learned with our expierences. I will never forget were we came from and where we will be going in life to make you both proud! I do make a promise that I will take care of my Mom the way you would look after her if you were here. I will make sure to do whatever whenever things she needs me to do or be there for her. I will make sure that she is well taken care of and to help her get to being herself and not worrying so much about things anymore.

As you watch over us every day from now on I know you will be here in spirit and know what we are up to  and how we are doing. So dont worry we will be fine.

As for me I will be fine and I will be strong using you and Tata as my motivation and inspiration to beat this cancer. I will fight on and Make you proud.

I love you soooo much and I write this to show at least a lil of how much you mean to me,

I love you Nana say hi to Tata for me.

I love you both very much.

Love Olivia,

-XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Busy Bee. . .

Hey Loves! Well its Monday again and its time to get back to work! Its been a busy morning and bout to be an busy afternoon. One meeting down and 2 more to go for 2day busy week up ahead especially with Easter around the corner! Well Loves im off to go see about getting me a better insurance that will help with alot more than the one I have especially incase in the future if I have a relapse (Hopefully NOT). This will be the 100th time ive done this due to them messing up so (Fingers Crossed)Wish me good luck that this time they wont screw up! Happy Monday and I'll leave you with these amayzing things i've been drewling over . . Enjoy!

It's a Family Affair

(Art by: the lovely Kirra Jamison)

Hello Loves! Hope cha all had a wonderful weekend! I havet to say I enjoyed this weekend it was a nice time with the fam. The lil sis got confirmed and took some time to try to get my mind off of things. Its been hard with everythin thats been going on with my Nana and the anxiety of my Pet scan that is coming up soon in April is getting to me. Along with everythin else not knowing if the Radiation has worked is sturring up scarey thoughts and fears but Im glad to have such an Awesome family that is supportive and loving!! TEAR hahaha

Also Did I mention we

Decided to have an Adventure and had

One on One time with nature!! Haha!!

Then Weez Got CRAZY hahah!!!

             

The Bluuues

Hey loves, well it hasn't been the best days around here lately. Its been really hard to get back on track with work and everything, it seems like as soon as theres a good moment where things are looking up theres always somethin round the corner waiting to come and screw up the day.

(Kirra Jamison)

PRETTY!

Unfortunatley I just cant seem to get away from bad health this year, I wish it was just me with bad health and for it to end there but it isn't and it wont. As I said before my grandmother isn't doing so well and it appears that she is doing even worse than before and had to be put on hospice care. Its a hard time for my family and I cant help but have the blues as of lately.

So as much as I was wishing to be posting bright and colorful posts,

I've been slacken and this blog heres been lacken. I apologize, I got the blues and yester and today im taken time to just let things sink in a little.

So on that note to make the night better I figure a glass of some good wine, some good music and some art should do the trick to help jump start me on being in a more better mood. So here I leave you with some of my look ats for the night Enjoy! Have a good night Loves!

(Richard J Oliver)

AMAYZING!!!!

                         

I don't know bout you

 Hey Loves! I don't know bout you but I'm super stoked for the new 30 Seconds To Mars album!!Just heard the new Up In the Air track and Im obsessed!! I know what I'll be having on reapeat this coming May!!!

Well I Hope you Loves are having an amayzing day! Just thought I share my excitment of this lovely news!! Im Off to get some work done/day dream about how bad ass these shoes are and how I wish They were all MINE!!!

Guess What?! . . . . . . .

                       
 I'm Back Loves!
Finally I'm Over the Horrid cold from hell and best of all (DRUM ROLL)...... DONE with my radiation treatments!!!!!!!!! WHOOOT!! WHOOOT!! After 3 weeks of treatment I can finally take a break and gather myself back together. May is when we get the results of if the radiation worked or not so (FINGERS CROSSED!!) but untill then Im going to live my life as normal and as fun as possible.

Finally we can move on to present day and I Can catch you up on whats been goin on round here.

Well first off I just had my 21st Birthday!! Whoot!! Whooot!! Had the cutest cake made I Love Alice In Wonderland!! And finally had a drink legally!! And *YES* my Doctors gave me the go ahead that I can have a drink haha I mean I deserve it right!!

And of course who doesn't play Chubby Bunny on a day of celebrations!

* They Prob will kill me for putting this on here haha!

As for the clothing line(MY BABY) its coming along slowly but surely. We had major set backs because of the situation but thats not enough to stop me, it will be up and hopefully running soon but untill then keep your eye out for some SNEAK PEEKS SOON!!

A shot of fear

Hello Loves, hope your having an better day than I'am. Im stuck at home with the worst cold ever! LAME!!!

Well lets move on shall we! Ok, so incase you didn't know the treatment was going to be done through a laser, they would aim for the spot of the tumor and zap it. But before I could start my treatments I had to get a MRI of my breast and some more CAT scans. This was to make sure that they knew exactly where the tumor was and to make sure that they werent going to be hitting any parts of my breast tissue due to the tumor being so close to my breast.

That same day (was on a Friday) I went for the MRI finished and went home. As soon as I walked through the door I got a call from where I got the MRI and was told I had to go get an mamogram because they saw something in my breast from. Due to it being friday and them calling at the end of the day by the time I called all my main docters to see what the heck was going on they were all closed. So I had to wait till Monday my first day of treatment to see what was happing.

So my frist day of treatment comes along and I was pretty nerviouse still, pluse worried from all weekend about the findings of my MRI. I was to go after my treatment to get the mammogram and see what was happening but in the mean time first I had to start my treatment. I soon met my radiation technicians who would be doing the procedure and was so happy/relived! They were the nicest people ever and were so sweet.

So basically here was the procedure:

* 3 weeks total

*I would go in every day at 9:30 in the morning

*Go straight to change to a gown

 *I would go into the room where they had a table for you to lay on  

*They put me into position and tape my breast

*Then It was like no more then 15 mins tops just laying there with some green laysers pointing at my chest and then I was out of there.

Best part about the treatment is that you dont feel a thing! Although unfortunatly there are side effects later on throughout the treatment, I know because of mine due to it being in the throat and chest I started to get really bad sore throats and a lil sun burn. But they gave me some meicated mouth wash for it and the pain was gone almost that same day, the only thing left was feeling extemely tired.

So back to what was happening with them finding something from my MRI, after treatment I went for the mammgram and was told that they still saw something so they needed to do a ultra sound of the breast to see more clearly what is was. So as Im in the room waiting for the docter to come in im praying that it wouldn't be what I was fearing. I felt like I was back at the strart, what if I had breast cancer too?! What would I do?! What would I tell my family?! How would I tell them?! All these things where popping in my head, but I calmed myself down and just hoped for the best. Soon the first doctor came in and said he didn't see anything it was just the regular breast tissue, but he wanted his co-partner to come in and finalize it as well. So doctor number 2 comes in and says he doesn't see anything eighther but right as I feel relieved he stops and says "oh, well thats not normal." He left the room and Im left once again to wait till the following day to find out what the heck is going on!!

As me and my family had counted down the hours and minutes till the next mornings treatment anxiously in finding out the results. It was finally time to find out! The results came in clear and I was fine! Thank GOD!!!

Another Chance

Hey Loves!

Well you know the saying what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, its true. Finding out I needed radiation after all was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and hear, it really does open your eyes to alot and make you realize whats important. I've always appreciated life and was thankful for things but when I heard the news that the chemo wasnt working the way it should, the first thing that popped up in my head was how much I was going to miss my family! It was the first time I had flirted with the idea of death and had to accept that from now on there will always be that chance of this horrid disease taking my life. My doctor explained that even though it was worser than what they thought there was still HOPE! It would be risky to do the radiation due to the after effects but that they really had all hope that radiation could lead to a cure.

It was hard for me to feel relieved or happy because I heard it before with the chemo, they said it would do the trick and it didn't. I know that you never can tell with diseases beacuse they always switch up on you, like one minute your great then the next ur back at the start. But still, how do you be ok with the fact that the very thing you are doing to safe your life is the very thing that can possibly kill you later. It will be something I will havet to worry about the rest of my life.

Due to there being confusion and so many times of going back and forth with my case, we all decided that I would go to the City Of Hope and consult with one of their doctors to make sure we were making the right decision of going through with the radiation. COH is known to specialize in Hodgkins Lymphoma, so I hoped that not only would I get advice but if needed for further treatment in the future I would qaulify. Unfortunatly, like always I wasn't at all shocked when they turned me down and wouldnt except me without a main insurance provider. I found out that my insurance wouldnt pay for City of Hope and that they would cut me off eventually once I turned 21, (FYI my 21st birthday was almost less than 2 months away) which put me in a high chance for relapsing if I didnt find a new insurance provider quick to cover my treatments in the mean time.  We talked to the doctor and were told that he agreed with the plan to go ahead with the radiation and that even though there was chances of getting other forms of cancer from effects of radiation they were small. I admit to hear that, it made me feel a little better but knowing my luck I rather just expect the worse so incase it happens I'm prepared. STRESS!!!

I eventually went to have a meeting with my new doctors at the radiation center, I wasnt sure what to expect and was on pins and needles! To my surprise I walked in there terrified and came out relieved! My doctors were awesome and all my questions where answered and I felt better about things. I finally felt comfortable with going through with the process and was at ease with things, I knew that this was what I had to do to save my Life and it would be worth it in the end!