Another Chance

Hey Loves!

Well you know the saying what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, its true. Finding out I needed radiation after all was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through and hear, it really does open your eyes to alot and make you realize whats important. I've always appreciated life and was thankful for things but when I heard the news that the chemo wasnt working the way it should, the first thing that popped up in my head was how much I was going to miss my family! It was the first time I had flirted with the idea of death and had to accept that from now on there will always be that chance of this horrid disease taking my life. My doctor explained that even though it was worser than what they thought there was still HOPE! It would be risky to do the radiation due to the after effects but that they really had all hope that radiation could lead to a cure.

It was hard for me to feel relieved or happy because I heard it before with the chemo, they said it would do the trick and it didn't. I know that you never can tell with diseases beacuse they always switch up on you, like one minute your great then the next ur back at the start. But still, how do you be ok with the fact that the very thing you are doing to safe your life is the very thing that can possibly kill you later. It will be something I will havet to worry about the rest of my life.

Due to there being confusion and so many times of going back and forth with my case, we all decided that I would go to the City Of Hope and consult with one of their doctors to make sure we were making the right decision of going through with the radiation. COH is known to specialize in Hodgkins Lymphoma, so I hoped that not only would I get advice but if needed for further treatment in the future I would qaulify. Unfortunatly, like always I wasn't at all shocked when they turned me down and wouldnt except me without a main insurance provider. I found out that my insurance wouldnt pay for City of Hope and that they would cut me off eventually once I turned 21, (FYI my 21st birthday was almost less than 2 months away) which put me in a high chance for relapsing if I didnt find a new insurance provider quick to cover my treatments in the mean time.  We talked to the doctor and were told that he agreed with the plan to go ahead with the radiation and that even though there was chances of getting other forms of cancer from effects of radiation they were small. I admit to hear that, it made me feel a little better but knowing my luck I rather just expect the worse so incase it happens I'm prepared. STRESS!!!

I eventually went to have a meeting with my new doctors at the radiation center, I wasnt sure what to expect and was on pins and needles! To my surprise I walked in there terrified and came out relieved! My doctors were awesome and all my questions where answered and I felt better about things. I finally felt comfortable with going through with the process and was at ease with things, I knew that this was what I had to do to save my Life and it would be worth it in the end!