A Reason To Fight

Hello Loves! Well as you read I had the bone marrow test and it was quite painful along with the surgerey but like I said if thats what it takes to save your life then it is so totally worth it! I soon found out that I needed to start chemo therapy asap and it was the first time I had to hear that I would be losing my hair. Now although to some it may not seem that bad and I was told "It will grow back don't worry." This was not at all easy for me Loves not at all! I have always had long hair so to go from long hair to no hair was horrific! I mean, yes hair is just an accessory but its not till you actually lose it when you realize how much it means to you.

That same day I heard I was going to lose my hair, out of anger I went home and took down all the mirrors in my room. I didn't want to look at myself anymore, I was in pure disgust that my body gave me this disease and that now I would lose my hair over it. This put me in a didnt want to come out of my room cry myself to sleep mode.

It soon came time for my first treatment and I was scared going into it, I had no idea what to expect! To my surprise everyone from the nurses to the other patients there were so caring and so nice. Soon after I was done getting hooked up to my IV, I  got to talking to the other patients there and everyone had a different story to tell. I was amazed at how inspiring these people and their stories where. Later on during the treatment I started to have trouble with my IV being painful and causing my vein to get irritated. It was then it hit me extremely hard and close to home when one of the nurses told me how bad she felt for it hurting and how bad she felt for all the patients getting poked especially the kids downstairs. "The kids down stairs?" I asked, she soon explained to me how there was a cancer unit down stairs for young children. Hearing that brought tears to my eyes and still does. I have an beautiful niece and nephew and the thought of children their age going through chemo and this horrible disease broke my heart!

THEN IT HIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  As I mentioned to you before that what I hope and plan on my clothing line doing in the futur when its up and running. Is to be taking a portion of the profit that is made every week and donating it to a charity! Well what I didn't tell you was I was still in the process of trying to find a charity, there is so many and I was looking to see which ones needed the most help or which ones stood out the most. Then literally I kid you not it hit me why the hell didnt I think of this before SAINT JUDE HOSPITOL!!!

All this time I realized how selfish I was complaining how I didnt want to lose my hair and over how I wasnt going to be able to go out or do things because of this cancer and chemo. Who the hell am I to complain I should be thankful that I have a chance to fight and that my condition wasnt so bad like others who are less fortunate and are told there is nothing else that they can do to get better. Its bad and hard enough for adults to go through it, but for a innocent child who has no idea of whats goin on what so ever and gets their childhood or worse their life taken away from them. Thats something that I cant just turn my attention away from, I know that theres also other charities but this one just felt so right to take part in. Now that I know first hand of what your body goes through and how it affects not only you but friends and family especially the hassle and the horror of being turned down from insurances not knowing how to pay for treatment. I would love nothing more but to donate to Saint Jude to help families be able to get their loved one treated and to help find a cure. Now I share this with you Loves not to gain praise or publicity but because this really did open my eyes and really did inspire me. This would be my goal to accomplish.

I knew that I had my beautiful family and friends as a motivation to help give me a reason to fight but now I had one more!